Little Meltdown

I felt a bit broken the other night. I was watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (like I do). They did a musical number that was a Soul Train. takeoff. You know the bit where the dancers make two lines and people. take turns showing off their best moves for the camera. Heather, the character played by the gorgeous Vella Lovell, took her turn. As I watched her, I started feeling sad that I can’t dance like that. I started feeling sorry for myself because MS has taken away my ability to do what I want to do with my body.

The truth is that although I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in dance, I was never a great dancer. So me thinking that I could dance like before MS Vella is ridiculous.

I was in bed with my husband when I had my crying meltdown. He reminded me that I can still dance. I can. I don’t use a wheelchair or a walking aid. He also brought up the fact that I’ve been a bit burned out on dancing for several years. He also suggested that any dancing that I want to do would be easier if I lost some weight. I do need to lose about 30 pounds, but let’s not get into that right now.

The day after the meltdown I felt some measure of shame. If it’s true that I chose to have this illness (when I was between lives), as a means of fostering spiritual growth, I have no business whining about it.

Also, there are so many people who have it worse than I do. I should be grateful for the strength that I do have. I’m not broken. I am perfect.

Laura McCain Reed

Non meltdown moment

Vella Lovell

Here’a Vella

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I’m groovin’ on these things

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I first heard about this Netflix show from Pop Culture Happy Hour, or maybe it was another entertainment themed podcast. Here’s what it’s about (in case you don’t know.)

Rachel Bloom plays Rebecca Bunch. She’s a high-powered lawyer in New York City who one day runs into Josh Chan, a guy she had a fling with at summer camp ten years ago.

Seeing Josh makes her realize how unhappy her life is, so she decides to move to West Covina, California (a real place) to be with Josh. She tries to convince herself and her new friend Paula that she didn’t move just for Josh. So begins a madcap and sometimes heartbreaking adventure.

Netflix screenshot

Screenshot from Netflix

It has singing and dancing

I had some trouble getting into the show for the first few episodes. I have not been a fan of shows in which people break into song. The weird thing here is that I am always singing. I sing songs that I know; I make up songs to go with the situation I’m in. I sing a lot of the time for no reason at all. Why does it bother me when it happens in a tv show or movie?

So I watched the first couple of episodes, but I ended up getting caught up in Stranger Things. When Stranger Things ended, I decided to check back in and see what Rebecca Bunch was up to. The show got better and better. I’m in the middle of season 2, and I can’t get enough.

Teachers

I was looking for a new sitcom to watch with my husband. We have a custom where we each pick a show and watch the entire series. I kept seeing the promos for Teachers on TV Land. It looked like something we would enjoy. I was right.

Teachers was created by an all-female comedy troupe called the Katydids. The troupe name comes from the fact that all members have a name that is some derivation of Kate. The show is set at Fillmore Elementary School in Chicago. On the website. the show is described as “An irreverent comedy about six elementary school teachers whose personal lives bleed into their professional lives.”

I love that this show is powered by women and hilarious. I wish I could be one of the Katydids.

I’m reading a book

House of the Seven Gables

House of the Seven Gables circa 1915

A colleague of mine posted a photo on Instagram of The House of the Seven Gables. I had heard of the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne but didn’t realize it was an actual place. Intrigued by the photo, I decided to find out what the book was about. When I learned it had a supernatural element I knew I had to read it.

Hawthorne’s long sentences at times make it a challenging read, but it’s not too bad. Some of the text is just beautiful. It makes me wonder why I don’t read more of the classics.

That’s just some of what’s keeping me entertained these days. I need more time for all of it.

I have a goose

Canadian goose

Goose in my backyard

I was in the kitchen on Friday evening, and I happened to look out the atrium door. What I saw was a large bird. For a moment I thought it was a wild turkey, but I soon realized it must be a goose. I sputtered out some garbled words trying to alert my husband to our backyard visitor. He quickly came to the door and confirmed that yes, it was indeed a goose.

Pitbull/Chocolate Lab Mix

Sadie

Sadie (our pit/lab mix), realizing something was going on, came to the door to have a look. I was scared she would bark and scare the goose away, but she didn’t. So the hubby and I opened the door and slipped outside. We didn’t see the goose at first, so we wondered if it had flown away. We tiptoed toward the side of the house and found the goose was still on the property. It made a few steps away from us and then took to the air.

Because I’m me, I believe the goose was a message. I have been looking for little miracles for the past couple of weeks. The Universe came through with a goose.

Here are some things that a goose can symbolize.

  • Abundance may be coming your way
  • Courage to face fears
  • Joy
  • Stability
  • Wisdom

There are plenty of sites that have information about totem or spirit animals. You can believe in that kind of thing or not.

I think the Universe (or God) sent me a goose as a way of saying, “I’m with you. Things are going to be fine.”

Sometimes it helps to have a reminder to keep the faith.

Now I’m waiting to see a cryptid like Mothman, or Bigfoot. I should probably be careful what I wish for.

 

 

 

Weighty Issue

I made a list of topics I wanted to cover in the blog. Weight loss was one of those topics. It seemed like a good idea to combine a daily prompt word, with the weight loss topic. The word guilty was an obvious choice, so I’m going with it.

My Weight

I weigh too much. I’m not sure if I’ve ever tipped the scales at this particular weight before. Perhaps I did in junior high. I feel so bad about it that I’m not willing to type the number in this post. I might still be in denial.

For me, I think it’s more about food than exercise. I used to have the idea that it was okay for me to eat something sweet every day. If it was in the past, it’s not anymore. I’m getting to the age when fat on a woman wants to migrate to the belly. I don’t like that one bit.

I know that visiting my father every evening at his assisted living facility had something to do with my weight gain. My eating habits were about the same, but I didn’t have time to exercise as much as my body needed me to. Also, I was probably still carrying some of the weight I gained from being on steroids during my MS flare-up.

My Plan and My Fear

So now I have cut out sweets and junk food except for my Saturday ice cream fix. I don’t crave sweets anymore, but I worry that being this restrictive will lead me to revolt. I’ve lost a few pounds, and my pants are fitting better, so I know this plan is working. I’m scared that a more moderate approach to sweets will send me in the wrong direction. What I have now is a problem with food. That’s not healthy.

Calories Out

“Just exercise more,” you say. I would love to be able to work out really hard most days of the week, but with MS comes fatigue. The workouts I used to do are not possible for me anymore. I have to break exercise into smaller chunks. Fitness is still possible for me, but I can’t stay in the high-intensity fat-burning zone for very long.  That feels like an excuse.

Time and Priorities

It all comes down to time management and planning. I took the time to write this post, so I probably have to choose between hula hooping and making art this evening. I also need time to fix something healthy for lunch tomorrow.

My advice to me is, “Be kind to yourself.”

chocolate cupcake with white and red toppings

Photo by Jess Watters on Pexels.com

 

Space and Time

Sometimes I write about how Multiple Sclerosis is treating me. I can’t say that I struggle with the condition, because for me, it is not that bad. I belong to an MS support group on Facebook and see so many people posting about the difficulties they go through because of the disease. I’m grateful that things are pretty good for me.

My worst symptom

The disconnect between my brain and my body makes walking somewhat difficult. For me, walking is not natural anymore. I think too much about the mechanics of walking just about every time I get up and take a few steps. I worry that people see me coming and think, “she sure has a weird walk.” It’s funny how your ego tricks you into believing everyone is watching and judging you.

My next worst symptom

The fatigue that comes with MS makes if challenging to be as physically fit as I would like to be. I can walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes at about 2.5 mph, but when I dismount I need another 30 to 45 minutes of recovery time before I feel comfortable walking from the gym to the car. I don’t use an assistive device for walking, but I would be better off using one after a treadmill workout.

Dancing

I majored in Dance in undergrad and went on the earn a masters degree in Dance. I danced with a local modern company and with a belly dance troupe. I am still able to dance, but the muscle spasticity caused by MS is a problem. I can’t always rely on my body to do what I want it to do, for the amount of time I want to do it. I can perform a solo with little difficulty, but when I’m done, I have to shuffle off the stage, because the effort has caused the muscles of my lower legs to revolt. Dancing isn’t what it used to be.

Small collage with photo of dancer and mixed media leaf

Not complaining

It could be worse and I want to say that I’m not complaining. I think I am complaining. There are days when I wish I could be the person I used to be.

A life plan

My recent fascination with the stories of people who have had a near-death experiences led me to a book by Michael Newton, PH. D. called Journey of Souls. The work documents case studies of people Newton interviewd during hypnosis in which they recount a time when they say they existed in the spirit world after death. These subjects talk of having sessions with members of a soul group who counsel each other about what they will do in their next incarnation.

If what is said in the book is true, I have to believe. that after my last life, I chose to inhabit a body that would develop MS because I needed to learn something from the experience.

When I was a child, I remember telling my mother that when I was up Heaven I chose her and my father to be my parents. I believe more and more that this was indeed the case.

Sometimes I think that I’m supposed be be a writer, and MS is here to divert me away from dancing and toward writing. I have always had. trouble settling down to one area of interest. I’m a jack of many trades and master of none. I may not be a master of anything until my next life.

I’m event thinking about starting another blog devoted to spiritual stuff. Another example of my lack of focus.

Getting Serious

It’s time to stop being casual when it comes to my various so-called ‘side hustle’ endeavors. I relaunched my Etsy shop several months ago and hoped that my bracelets were pretty enough to sell themselves. That’s not how it works.

In my job as a social media specialist (whatever that means), I have been tasked with learning how to buy advertising on Twitter and Facebook. It’s a little confusing, but in the end, it’s not rocket science.  It doesn’t have to be expensive either.

I made a little video featuring the bracelets in my shop using Quik.  I made it a promoted post on Instagram. You have to switch to a business account to do this. Traffic to the shop increased only slightly. Then I spent $50 to promote the video on Twitter. I did this with the “Quick Promote” option, so the run was short and didn’t do much for me.

My next effort was to do a promotion directly on Etsy. I got one sale, but I’m not sure what did it. I’ll need to do some research before spending any more on advertising.

Next, I downloaded an audiobook called How to Sell on Etsy with Blogging. The book mentioned an Etsy plugin for WordPress. I’m going to see if I can get that installed.

The next thing to address is my inventory. My bracelets might not be trendy enough, so I bought a few magazines about jewelry-making to see what’s going on in that world.

I have a lot of work to do if I want to have a successful jewelry business.

 

 

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