I can’t afford to let news about all the bad stuff that’s going on in the the world effect me, unfortunately that’s what’s been happening as of late.
I read a headline and part of a story about how the economy is still sluggish, and then I read something about how the mid-level jobs are going away and all that’s left are really high-skilled jobs and retail. The story said that the days of having a career are gone. So I start thinking this is awful. I stupidly got two degrees in dance and now I’ll never amount anything. And learly I’ll never be a movie star. What’s left for me in this world?
I wrote the bit above yesterday (Friday). Today I had a worry fit about how I’ve wasted my entire life, how I’m now in my 40s and I’ve accomplished nothing. Then I realized I’d only eaten a bowl of cereal the entire day and when my blood sugar drops I get depressed. I had some yogurt and pistachios and my outlook improved.
So what am I to do? How do I stay positive when faced with all that’s out there? I’m not really sure, but I saw something posted on Facebook today that helped quite a bit. It was this quote from 13th century Persian poet, Rumi.
When you lose all sense of self
the bonds of a thousands chains will vanish.
Lose yourself completely,
return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
These words made me realize that my thinking of myself as not amounting to anything because of my college major and the jobs I’ve had is silly. I’ve been judging myself by western society’s ideas of success and failure. I have somehow forgotten that I’m more than what the advertising agencies think I am. I’m more than a statistic in the US census. I’m not my bank account. I’m not my job. I’m not my house or my car or my iPad. So that sense of self that I’m feeling has been coming from so many places and not from “the root of the root”, not from my soul.
What I can do now is step away from the world’s noise and come into myself. I’ve known for a while that a meditation practice can help me to do that, so I have to give myself time for a meditation practice. I’ve been interested in meditation for a few years and I’ve learned a little bit about various styles, so it’s just a matter of sitting down and doing it. It’s a matter of carving out time for me. Funny how the very thought of that is causing a little bit of anxiety.
Right now I can breathe deeply. I can relax my jaw and shoulders. I can stand up and take mindful steps to the window and then gaze at the 10th Street traffic.
I can remember that I’m connected to God and the Universe, and that I can return to my soul anytime I want because my soul is always with me.