Mini meltdown before going down that path

I’ve mentioned here before that I need a degree that is not a dance degree so I can get a full-time job as something other than a clerical worker.  I have begun filling out the application for the Masters program in Instructional Systems Technology at IU.  I am registered to take the GRE in December.  It would seem that my ducks are lining up nicely.

Today I decided to start thinking about preparing for the GRE. I’ve never had to take it. I’ve made a point of avoiding programs that required it. Today I did a Google search for GRE preparation resources, and I came across a site that had some sample questions for the quantitative part of the exam.  I had been telling myself that I can do the math part of the GRE.  It might be a struggle, but I can do it. After today I’m not so sure. After attempting to understand those sample questions I had a mini meltdown. I think I was nearing an actual panic attack.

So then I decided to leap to the conclusion that I cannot do well enough on the test to get into the program. I then decided that I will never be able to get a full-time job that I enjoy. I thought that I might as well just give up on any and all of my dreams.

Then I thought, I could just get a certificate in Instructional Systems  Technology.  I would learn a lot, it would take less time, it would cost less money, and I wouldn’t need the GRE. Would that look as good on my resume? It would not. Sounds like a bit of a cop-out to me. Besides, I really want to delve deeply into the discipline. I want to find a way to make a mark. I want to be a serious scholar. I need to get over my fear of math. I need to believe in myself.

After my little freak out episode, I took Dad to campus so he could take some pictures. I managed to take a few pictures while worrying about my future. Here’s one I took that seems to symbolize the path I’m travelling to get to my distant future.

Wooded path on IUB campus.

The long path to I’m not sure what.

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