I Remember When

I guess I’ll keep writing about anxiety when I quit experiencing it everyday. I made an art journal spread this week. Working on it helped ease my troubled mind. I wrote about it in another blog.

Art journal page

I remembered today that in the days before I went on Prozac I was anxious a lot. Once I was on it for a while, I realized how different I felt. I need that to happen again.

There are times during the course of the day that I don’t feel anxious, but when I notice that I feel okay I get anxious about not feeling anxious.

I need to consult a thesaurus.

I’m learning to use the Pen Tool from a lynda.com course. That is a step forward for me. Soon I can stop floundering and failing when I try to do something in Adobe Illustrator. “There is so much to learn and not enough time,” she sighed.

I’m just spitting out words because I think it might make a difference.

I once thought it would be nice to go into a coma for a few months just to take a break from life.I guess the problem with that is your muscles atrophy and you wake up in bad shape. Maybe I could visit an alternate dimension for a while. I guess we read fiction to escape to other worlds and other people’s lives. I should read more fiction.

“I should. I should. I should,” she was always saying that to herself. All if did was make her more miserable.

Watching Doctor Who helps bring me out of a funk. I used to have a few episodes with Tom Baker and Peter Davison on VHS. Watching them made everything okay for a while.

I still have a little bit of hope that the TARDIS will someday materialize in my front yard. I would be a brilliant companion!

5 thoughts on “I Remember When

  1. You have a tough row to hoe, Laura.
    Anxiety sucks.
    I sometimes tell my clients, “Shoulding on yourself is a filthy habit.” (It sounds more humorous when spoken than it looks when written.) I know all about the unpleasantness of “should”, from personal experience. Sometimes it’s illuminating to try translating the word “should” to “refuse to”. As in, “I refuse to read more.” It’s interesting to see what you notice if you make that translation.
    If you decide at some point that you actually want to read more, can I babble out some favorite titles and authors? Mostly in the realm of fantasy?

    1. Saying “I refuse to” feels ridiculous. It makes me think I will do the thing in question.
      I’m currently reading the Welcome to Night Vale novel.

  2. First of all, thank you for writing about this. Periodically I experience anxiety attacks. I first experienced this back when we were in high school. I honestly thought I was dying during the first one. I also find that doing anything artistic calms me down. I have also used Brainwave apps which has helped me a lot with anxiety and pain relief. While I have a blog on here, I have not been as faithful in posting to it as I ought to be. You are an inspiration my friend.

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