Little Meltdown

I felt a bit broken the other night. I was watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (like I do). They did a musical number that was a Soul Train. takeoff. You know the bit where the dancers make two lines and people. take turns showing off their best moves for the camera. Heather, the character played by the gorgeous Vella Lovell, took her turn. As I watched her, I started feeling sad that I can’t dance like that. I started feeling sorry for myself because MS has taken away my ability to do what I want to do with my body.

The truth is that although I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in dance, I was never a great dancer. So me thinking that I could dance like before MS Vella is ridiculous.

I was in bed with my husband when I had my crying meltdown. He reminded me that I can still dance. I can. I don’t use a wheelchair or a walking aid. He also brought up the fact that I’ve been a bit burned out on dancing for several years. He also suggested that any dancing that I want to do would be easier if I lost some weight. I do need to lose about 30 pounds, but let’s not get into that right now.

The day after the meltdown I felt some measure of shame. If it’s true that I chose to have this illness (when I was between lives), as a means of fostering spiritual growth, I have no business whining about it.

Also, there are so many people who have it worse than I do. I should be grateful for the strength that I do have. I’m not broken. I am perfect.

Laura McCain Reed
Non meltdown moment
Vella Lovell
Here’a Vella

3 thoughts on “Little Meltdown

  1. Honestly I think it is perfectly normal to have random breakdowns. We deal with SO much with MS and it does build up in our minds, heart and soul. The most important thing is getting back up, dust ourselves off and keep living the life we were meant to live. None of us really wanted to have MS, but we do get to figure out the best way to keep on with our lives. Yes, we have to make adjustments at times, even daily, but we are still alive!
    I have had several meltdowns over the past few weeks because I think back to just last year when my body was not as beat down. I was able to do so much more it seems. Heck this year I am fighting to work 6.5 hours when at this time last year I was working anywhere from 8-9 hours without even thinking about it. Life comes with changes that we just need to accept and find ways to manage it. I hope you are having a nice relaxing weekend. Please never be disappointed when you have a meltdown out of nowhere, it happens!

  2. Thanks for your honesty in bearing those thoughts and feelings. I understand how debilitating you must feel at times. But there is so much more to us all. Your purpose may or may not be discovered yet. It is lovely that you have a caring partner in your life. Value that and what your words can do for others. I enjoyed your blog. Take care.

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