Today is the official New Year’s holiday. Tomorrow, I go back to work. I don’t wanna! The work week won’t even be semi-normal. I take my car for an alignment tomorrow and then take my dad to an appointment on Wednesday. I also have to go to Comcast and swap Dad’s malfunctioning router for a new one. The good thing is that I’ve got some fish and vegetables pre-cooked, and I’m well stocked on veggies for a while.
Last month, Riley destroyed my Wii Fit disc, so I ordered another one.
An innocent sleeping Riley.
I also bought Zumba Fitness World Party. I haven’t tried it yet. Maybe I’ll write a review after I’ve given it a spin. It’s important that I get two days of strength training into each week. I have everything I need to accomplish this goal, but for some reason, I’m not good at seeing it through. I should make sure to do it on Mondays. That way, I’ll be half-way to accomplishing the goal. I may have to set a weekly schedule. Ideally, I would have my workouts set up for a whole month. The Evernote Moleskine notebook I ordered might help me to get moving on a workout schedule. We’ll soon see.
I forgot to post this picture of a tree ornament at my neurologist’s office. Is that Gandalf the White?
Must be Gandalf!
I’m tired today. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and then upper body three times. I’m wanting my legs to feel better for my post-workout walk back to the car, but they didn’t so much today. I think this is PMS effecting the MS.
I was feeling much anxiety today. I’m so tired of feeling like this.
It occurred to me the other day that maybe all the recent life crap is the Universe’s way of getting me to do something with my life. Right now it feels like I’m doing nothing. In the past I’ve made noises about wanting to make a living as a blogger. If I really want to do that I’ll need to take some steps in that direction. I bought an audiobook called ‘How to Start a Profitable Blog’ by David Lim. I’ve listened to a few chapters and gotten some ideas of what my money-making blog could be about. I wonder if I’m up for doing all of the work required for blogging success. My mood has been low lately. My brain tells me I will fail. My brain keeps calling me a failure.
Maybe sleep will help.
The weekend was good. I was pretty much anxiety free. Today the anxiety is there but it’s not as severe. I’m sitting downstairs at the YMCA. I decided to sit and write while resting from my workout. I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, some upper body strength training, and then another 20 on the treadmill. I’m listening to ‘Sinnerman’ by Nina Simone on Spotify.
Every moment feels like frustration because the same record plays constantly in my mind. I’m not accomplishing what I should be accomplishing and it always seems to go back to the clutter in my house. Then it goes back to me feeling lazy because I don’t seem capable of doing anything about the clutter. I’d love to throw everything away and start fresh. My physical clutter mirrors my mental clutter.There’s a book called ‘The Life Chaning Magic of Tidying Up.‘ I’m actually afraid to read the book. Do I think it will make me confront parts of myself that I don’t want to see? I Need to read the book don’t I? I really do want to change my life!
John Legend’s ‘Stay with You’ is on Spotify now. It’s rather beautiful.
I think I’ll wrap this up and head to the car. It’s time to get on with things. Maybe I can get rid of some stuff today.
I made this last night with iPhone apps. I would like to incorporate it into a canvas someday. Maybe I will.
PT (physical therapy) at 9:00. That’s not so easy because mornings are not my thing. It’ll wake me up and get me motivated. Balance is my number one priority for these sessions. I’m hoping that every exercise I do causes my brain to make new and better connections.
OT (occupational therapy) at 9:45. Yesterday I folded clothes and practiced walking in the kitchen with a walker while moving a jug of juice from point a to point b. I don’t plan to need the walker at home unless I’m having a flare-up, but learning these skills is important. Learn about flare-ups at this WebMD page.
We meet with Dad’s care team on the psych floor today to discuss what’s next. It’s gonna be okay.
PT and OT again later today. Meals, snacks, nap.
I want to start my position paper for class. I’ll be arguing that public libraries are still necessary and relevant. People have been trying to put libraries out of business for years, but they fill a need in society, and I intend to show it. It’s funny that I have a lot of passion about libraries, but I don’t want to work in one, and I don’t visit the Monroe County Public Library all that often. I do use their online resources extensively though. What I learned in the Management of Public Libraries class will serve me well for this essay.
Other randomness: I would like to put together a post about MS and different exercise modalities. I’m thinking about the hoopla hoop to start with.
The assignment is to write about something you’ve lost and then make this part of a three-part series
I was once an okay dancer, but I got into grad school for dance because of my talent for choreography. I had to take technique classes with the undergraduate students. They were better dancers than I was, but I persisted, and I improved. I became an okay dancer with some technical skills. I would never get into one of the top companies in New York, but I could have gotten into a company. Maybe a company that paid its dancers a small salary. Thing is, I didn’t really want to be in a dance company. I realized after four years of taking seven technique classes a week; I didn’t like dancing that much. I liked dancing, but it wasn’t my passion.
So I resigned myself to being a person who has undergraduate and graduate degrees in something they have no plans to use. Then I moved to Bloomington, IN and got involved in a dance company that offered no pay except for free dance classes. I got REALLY involved with this group because it allowed me to keep dancing and have a social life. At some point, the work required to be in this company outweighed the rewards.
This story is beginning to take too long to tell so I’ll move on to my hysterectomy in 2009. I had my uterus removed because of a fibroid tumor that started to get too large to be tolerated. After the surgery, I stopped dancing so I could recover. I think that’s when my body stopped being the body I used to know. I won’t go into details because I’m sure a fairly complex set of circumstances contributed to my sense of being unfit for dance. A major contributor to my problem was my weak ankles. I finally went to a foot doctor who recognized that my high arches were causing the problem. He prescribed orthotics and physical therapy. Now I’m on the upswing, but I have a ways to go. I understand that part of my problem is really tight hip flexors. This makes it seem as if my leg muscles are weak. They aren’t really all that weak, rather they are fighting against too tight antagonist muscles. I don’t know if antagonist is the word I’m looking for, but I’m going to leave it.
I won’t go into too much detail about how I seem to come down with what feels like a mild flu every month. I’ve chalked that up to PMS. This faux flu feeling has been causing me to exercise less because I just don’t have the energy. I found however, that when I went to PT during this flu-like time I was forced to push through the tiredness. That means I can work out hard most days of the month. That’s what I need to do. Will that improve my dancing? Will getting in better shape bring my dancing body back? We’ll see.
I just realized that this post can easily be serialized as I track my progress in reclaiming my body.
Next time I’ll write about visualizing myself dancing well. I should also talk about making a plan to get fitter.
I’ve got a plan for this week. I’m trying to make the muscle spasms in my legs stop by increasing my exercise time, and adding a magnesium supplement. If things don’t improve I’ll have to go to the doctor and see if she wants to test me for MS. I’m really scared that I might have MS. If I do, I could handle it, but I want to be able to dance the way I used to.
I’ve been religiously doing physical therapy exercises that I’ve found on the Internet, and it is making a difference. I really do believe that I probably don’t have MS. I don’t want to have to get an MRI of my brain to prove it though.
Here’s this week’s plan (all of these are for every day unless otherwise noted):
1) 30 minutes on the treadmill
2) PT exercises
3) Practice DDBD Gen Con choreography
4) Use the Ab Glider 3 times this week (if the thing gets assembled)
5) Stay hydrated
6) Take magnesium supplement
7) Eat fruits and veggies
8) Manage stress with deep breathing and positive thinking
I feel like I’m broken; I want to be fixed.
The RDA of magnesium for females over 31 is 320 mg/day. Here’s some more info from WebMD.
I recently accomplished some things. These things are not a big deal at all. They are ordinary for the most part, but I got got them done and out of the way. Now I feel like I can conquer the world!
I don’t have a lot of time to write this evening, so I’ll put this in list format.
1) I finally finished a post in, “Look What I Found!”, my blog dedicated to content curation. I made this post into such a big project that I just couldn’t find time to finish it. I was able to get it done by allowing it to be fairly short, and not so in-depth. Now I can move on to other ideas.
2) I picked out and bought two pairs of glasses. I had been putting that off for months.
3) I ordered a new iPad holder to replace my broken one. I also ordered a new wireless keyboard, as the one I have went bad.
4) I ordered an Ab Glider. The chiropractor says that using it will fix my back and neck issues. Now I’ve got to find a place to put it.
5) At work today, I finally made some progress on a screencast that I just haven’t had time to touch. I almost finished it, but Captivate went wonky on me.
6) I ordered some Birkenstock sandals. The Walmart sandals that I have do not sufficiently support my arches. I’m excited for them to arrive!
Those are my accomplishments.
Hey, I even wrote this post. I’m feeling pretty good about myself! I think I deserve a glass of Merlot.
Glass of Merlot