Category: Journal

Felt like Monday

I’m not meant to get up early. You see, I’m not a good sleeper. I can get in bed and fall asleep without too much trouble, but I often wake up much too early. Sometimes I can go back to sleep, other times, not so much.

This year I have work meetings on Mondays and Tuesdays. One at 9 am, the other at 10. Are they trying to kill me? I think. that they are.

I was annoyed at the world today. The sky was gray. The air was cold. The pile of snow in my parking space made getting out of the car a little dangerous.

In the afternoon the document I was working on didn’t save properly, so I had to redo a half-hour’s worth of work. After I clocked out for the day I realized I forgot to do something. Oh well, it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Illustration of purple flower
Purple flower

I want to spend the day making things with the Assembley app.

Nested round shapes
Nested shapes

I shouldn’t have looked at Twitter yesterday. I should’t have looked again today.

I want chocolate, but I’m limiting my sugar intake to around 25 grams a day. Sometimes eating popcorn eases my craving for sweets. I might be too lazy to make popcorn.

The world’s a mess and I’m in a mood.

Cloudy skies are expected tomorrow.

Illustration of cloud and rain
Cloudy and raining
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A resolution

I’m not going to lie. I’m concerned about the state of the planet. Just read news to find out what’s going on. It’s kind of a mess.

Maybe don’t read the news so often. What if I were to spend significantly less time staring at my iPhone? What if I made more physical art than digital art? What would my life be like if I did some writing with a pen on actual paper?

I can’t change the world, but I can change the way I respond to it.

That sounds like a new year’s resolution.

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. Marcus Aurelius Read

Day out after Christmas

Yesterday the hubby (Ernie) and I had a post-Christmas lunch with his sister and her husband. We went to Culver’s which is new to Bloomington. The franchise is owned by former NBA player, John Laskowski. He was there sweeping the floor and doing other food service activities. Ernie recognized him. They talked for a minute too.

After lunch, we decided to go to a coffee shop on the square called The Inkwell.

The Inkwell bakery in Bloomington, IN
The Inkwell

It’s a nice spacious place with a hipster charm. It’s the type of establishment where people like me go to write a novel.

Inside The Inkwell people sitting at bar and tables
Hipster charm

There was some art on the walls. I should have asked about it.

Wall art
Art

They make a ’homemade’ pop tart at The Inkwell. I had the cinnamon and brown sugar variety and a cafe mocha to drink. The pop tart was tasty, but I would have preferred it warmed up a bit.

I don’t go to enough places like this. I really should get out more often.

It was a nice day to be out and about.

Pace bike
Pace bike

Lime electric scooter
Lime scooter

Bloomington bicentennial sign
Bloomington bicentennial sign

Tree sweater
Tree sweater

Defeated

When you challenge yourself to do better and then don’t

You decide to try harder the next time

You say, “this is the weekend I’ll get things done”

You say, “I’ll schedule my time”

You say, “I won’t sleep in”

“I’ll go to the gym”

“I’ll clean the bathtub”

Suddenly it’s Sunday and you’ve done none of it

And you ate badly

And you feel defeated knowing that it will happen the same way next weekend

Tiger on its back

Focus

I have pledged many times to stick to one or two spare-time activities. I can’t do it. Last year I was obsessed with making digital art. I even had an art show in October. These days I’m not doing much art at all.

Writing should be my main thing, and I’ve been posting to my blog pretty regularly for the past few months. I had some momentum going for a while, but things are dragging.

I have been doing more yoga. Yoga makes me feel good.

My new thing is trying to sell my photos on Foap. I have thousands. of pictures on Flickr. Some of them seem sale-worthy. If that’s a term one can use.

It takes a lot of work to pick images, edit them a little, upload them with the Foap app, and then add descriptions and tags. The activity consumed a large part of my weekend. Foap says that your photos are more likely to sell if you have a lot of them. I am looking to supplement my income, and so far the blog has made only $1.06 from WordAds.

In my dream world, I would quit my day-job to blog and do photography full time. I’m not there yet.

I won’t go into my story of relearning the guitar to get my skills back to sub-mediocre. That’s for another day.

Acoustic guitar

Does it matter?

I was having lunch on Tuesday with some coworkers. One of them mentioned a recent news story about a study that found artificial sweeteners can harm digestive bacteria.

I wanted to ask him if the study mattered. I wanted to ask all of my colleagues at the table if anything matters at all.

Who cares about the state of our gut bacteria? What about the state of our world?

The planet is a mess. The oceans are full of plastic. A massive hurricane has brought monster mosquitoes to the Carolinas.

I don’t need to go on about the world’s problems. You know where to find the news.

I have to keep my head up and do what I can to make the world better. I’ll keep recycling. I will treat others with respect. I’ll pray for the planet when I remember it’s okay to pray. I’ll try to remember that more often.

I’ll make an effort to enjoy the life I’ve been given because life goes by in the blink of an eye.

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite of all the darkness - Desmond Tutu.

Bacon, vision, and being mindful

Bacon in frying pan

Several years ago, I noticed that there was a lot of talk on the internet about bacon. I don’t know if it was something that the bacon cartel engineered, or if all the talk about the breakfast staple came about organically. It feels like a ”bro” culture type of thing.

I like bacon. I eat it sparingly, usually when I have breakfast at a sit-down restaurant. I had some at Bob Evans yesterday evening with my goat cheese veggie omelet, hash browns, and toast. Real butter on toast can be such a delight!

I!d like to do some real cooking. I’d like to have a new kitchen, and an art studio, and a dance studio. I should make a vision board to manifest the things I want.

Illustration: pig and woman in lotus position

I discovered a part paranormal, part true-crime podcast called And That’s Why We Drink. The hosts, Christine and Em have spoken about using vision boards. It seems to work for them, so I may as well give one a try.

I recommend you give the show a listen.

Circling back to bacon. We can speak about the cured meat cavalierly, but we don’t think about the pig who lost its life. I’m no vegetarian, but I probably should be. Who am I to snatch away the life of a living creature? Maybe if you eat meat, think about what you’re eating.

Maybe give some thought to all that you do. Mindfulness, grasshopper.

Thinking about the body

Yesterday

I’m at my local Planet Fitness recovering from my 20-minute treadmill walk and a smattering of strength training. I need this recovery period to get my legs working a little better. I’m uncomfortable crossing the road to get to my car.

Treadmills at Planet Fitness

Today

I’m at home on the couch continuing the post.

I’ve been thinking a lot about body image. I’ve gained weight over the last couple of years and I find myself not liking my body. I’m letting myself get worried about the food I eat. I feel guilty when I consume unnecessary sugar.

I don’t want to be that person.

My body has served me well for 47 years. I can say that even though I have MS. I could berate my body for betraying me, but I’ve gotten past those feelings (mostly).

I know from experience that a good way to improve body image is to use your body and appreciate how that makes you feel.

I sleep better at night on days I’ve worked out. My mood improves. I feel proud because I’m taking care of me.

I think if I focus on taking care of myself, the good feelings will follow. That means not worrying about every gram of sugar I ingest and letting my body rest when it needs to.

Funny how things become more clear when you write about them.

“Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness.

Just when I think

Just when I think I have it, I find that I don’t. I probably never will.

Waiting for magic to happen is the worst thing you can do, because while you’re waiting, magic is springing up all around you. You have to allow yourself to see it. Ask for it.

Is this a dark time in history? Or, is there more light shining on who and what we are.

Magic is in birdsong. Listen all you can.