I knew I wanted to write today, so I thought about it and then got nervous. I got myself a little worked up about what to write. Now I seem to be writing about the process of thinking and worrying about writing. Is it supposed to work this way?
Dreams are the New Reality
In one of my dreams last night, I was in some unknown location when a guy (I think he was Asian) asked me to meditate with him. I agreed to do so, and we sat down on the floor holding hands with eyes closed. The session was successful. The guy acquired lots of good energy from me, and I felt as if I helped him. The dream tells me that I'm on the right track in my spiritual pursuits. I am sure now that when I dream, I go to real places. I visit other planes of existence. I may have thousands of lives.
I bought some baby spinach the other day. I think I'll do a salad with strawberries. I need some almond slivers and red onion to add to it. I can either make my own vinaigrette or buy some.
Another food thought is to prep an onion or two and freeze them for later use. I think you can do that. What about garlic? I'll have to look it up.
I have sweet potatoes to cook as well as frozen salmon.
I've been doing yoga fairly regularly. I think it has improved my gait, but it could be that I'm just at a good walking time of my nutty hormonal cycle. It seems to work for me to do a session at 9 pm most weeknights.
I've been spending a lot of time practicing wrapped loops. I'm getting better at it. I made a necklace for Linda, one of the residents at my dad's assisted living facility. It's not perfect, but I'm happy with it. I thought the pendant was an angel, but I realized it must be a fairy after looking more closely at it.
I would love to be a full-time food blogger, but I don’t know that much about food and cooking. What I can do is write about my efforts to cook healthy meals for myself. I have MS, so healthy eating should be a top priority in my life. Eating healthfully takes a bit of time and effort. I don’t have tons of time, or should I say, that I don’t always manage my time well? I need a way to make healthy eating easy. I need to take action without having first devised some elaborate plan that requires the use of Microsoft Project, and an administrative assistant. I have to take baby-steps.
Today, I’m sharing an easy recipe that works for me. It’s a baked egg and spinach meal. I’ll admit it needs a flavor upgrade, but it’s edible and gives me a vegetable serving. That’s not too shabby. This is loosely based on this recipe on epicurious.
I’m getting over a cold this weekend. The illness itself only lasted about four days, but the lead up to getting cold symptoms was a week and a half. I blame MS and maybe hormones.
I realized several years ago that I would inevitably have low energy periods each month. I experienced flu-like symptoms (fatigue and muscle aches) without the upper respiratory distress. Every time I made plans to start a regular fitness regime, I would feel not well enough to get started. Now that I know I have MS, it all makes sense.
You see, the period when I’m coming down with a cold is slightly worse for me than for people who don’t have an autoimmune disease. I’m just guessing. I haven’t done a study. I missed a few days of work last week because it seemed prudent not to overtax myself. I didn’t get a lot of exercise either. I feared that overdoing it could lead to a flare-up.
The only way I can get in better shape when I’m faced with these monthly energy fluctuations is to not skip workouts when I’m feeling good, and do what I can during my less than 100% periods. I’m considering getting in a little strength training every day with some cardio built in. I keep talking about it, but not making a plan. The trick is not to use the lack of a plan as an excuse to doing nothing.
Today, I’m recovering. Tomorrow should be better. I might do some hooping.
It’s 2017 and I’m still here, but I sometimes feel like I’m running out of time. The best course of action would be to form a plan. Can I make a plan without the plan itself becoming my primary focus? Or, is that the point? They say that it’s the journey and not the destination, don’t they? Oh, THEY are wise.
I gave up on making New Year’s resolution. They set you up for failure. I do however, want to make some changes in my life this year. I have MS, so taking care of my physical and mental health should be my number one priority. That means making more time for exercise, and to do that I will need to put my needs before my father’s needs. Taking time to cook healthy meals is another top priority. Next on the list is my creative practice. I want to continue to make lots of art and jewelry. I want to start selling that art and jewelry. As the list grows, I begin to worry that I won’t be able to manage it all. I want to give up before I start.
That paragraph looked like a bunch of New Year’s resolutions to me. I think it will help if I blog everyday. I know, that’s another item added to the list, but I won’t achieve anything if I don’t keep reaching. This year, I’m taking a journey, and I’ll blog about. That’s the ticket!
Beginnings of a mixed media work.
I had the notion that I would be able to work a lot of hours during the holiday break when my husband is not working. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I have worked no days. I haven’t been feeling great this week, so was probably a good idea to get some rest. Still, I was hoping to earn a bit more money than I usually do.
On the plus side:
- I cleaned the cat room so it’s not quite as disgusting as it was. This is a first step to getting my art stuff organized.
- I returned the library books I had checked our for my Digital Humanities project.
- I’ve been doing a bit more art journaling than usual.
- I roasted some frozen broccoli and almost did a blog post about it–almost.
I’d talk about the stuff that I’m not accomplishing, but I don’t want to dwell on the negative.
I’ve been thinking about trying to do the bullet journal thing again. I know I wouldn’t follow through. It seems like so much work. I think the biggest problem would be my bad handwriting. I would always be judging the look of my journal. Improving my handwriting is another project I’ve had in mind. There’s no reason I can’t get going on that one right away.
I’m writing short sentences. If I had my druthers, I would go back and rework this post. I don’t have any druthers. Here’s a word origin note; Druthers is a 19th-century corruption of the sound of would rather or ruther. That could have been better worded, but I don’t care enough to bother.
Random list of wants:
- I want to be warm.
- I want to cut down on sweets.
- I want to have a plan for working out consistently.
- I want to write more.
- I want to think more deeply about dance improvisation.
I deleted the Enso game from my phone, but still have it on the iPad. It continues to mess up my neck. Making digital art on my devices is not helping either.
Digital art made with Dreamscope and Enlight.
MS note: Not a great leg day, but not an awful one. Too much sitting causes a lot of tingling.
I started writing the following a little while ago, but never finished it.
I’m at the hospital waiting to check in for my MRIs. I see the neurologist next week for a 6- month follow-up. She’ll review the MRIs to see how effective the Copaxone injections have been.
The hospital’s main floor is busy. It almost seems like some senior citizens are here on a field trip. It’s kind of unnerving.
This is really not a post about MS, but I’ll report that I had a not-so-great leg day on Monday. I think it was because I didn’t go back to bed for more sleep after Sadie got me up at around 7:30. The last two days have been much better.
I dreamed this morning of two old friends from grad school (UIUC Dance Dept.) I also saw swirling letters or words. When I have these dreams a try and see if the letters are spelling anything, but they fade away too quickly.
Tomorrow is the second to last class of my Library Science grad school career. My application to graduate seems to have gone through, and I’m looking forward to not being a student.
21 days later I’m finally posting
I got an email confirming the address my diploma will be mailed to, so I guess I have graduated. The neurologist said my MRIs looked good and she’ll see me in 6 months. I suppose the Copaxone is working.
This week is dragging. On Monday, I thought that if anyone at work asked how I was, I would say, “I’ve had enough.” No one asked. Tuesday wasn’t as bad, but it wasn’t great. Wednesday was better. It could be that I’m tolerating life better because the arctic air has been moving out. I hate being cold!
If I’m going to get this posted, I need to stop writing. I should have more time to blog now that school is over.
I also have got to stop playing Enso. It’s ruining my neck.
If you pay attention to the news or log on to Facebook you’ll learn about horrible things going on in the world. Sometimes you hear about good things, but the bad sticks with you. It’s like when you get a new shirt, and ten people tell you how nice you look in it, but one person says “that’s not a good color on you.” The natural tendency is to forget the compliments and latch on to the one negative comment. Why are we like this?
If you have a tendency experience depression and anxiety, latching onto the negative is a habit you must get out of. It’s a habit, which for me, could lead to serious health problems. As I learned in March of this year, too much stress can cause an MS flare-up (relapse). A flare-up can result in permanent nerve damage. I don’t want that to happen.
Here are 10 things I can do to stay positive and mentally healthy.
- Stay off of Facebook
- Write everyday
- Make art
- Make jewelry
- Escape into fiction books
- Experience nature
- Eat right
If I look back at my life I can see that everything always works out. I don’t have to worry about some disaster happening because a disaster has never happened. Even my MS diagnosis wasn’t a disaster. The Universe takes care of me. I’ve just got to trust it.
It helps to do the little things to take care of myself like going to Goodwill and buying some jeans to replace the ones with holes in them that I won’t stop wearing. Don’t I deserve to be not dressed in rags? Three of my favorite pairs of shoes have holes in them too, so I need to get those replaced.
Here’s something I made on my iPhone with Sketch Club and Reflection.
Breathing, breathing, breathing