I’ve seen many crows flying around in my town for the last few days. These are sizable birds. When I see birds I think they must have a message for me. Maybe some of them do. Crows are able to recognize people’s faces. Is there a crow out there that knows me?
My life as a normal person is not at all interesting, so I try and convince myself that the presence of these crows in the sky has some mystical meaning.
I could be expressing gratitude for the uneventful life I lead. I’m not in a wildfire, or getting tear-gassed as I try and cross a border with my child. I have food, shelter, a car, devices that can access the internet, and a lot of stuff that I’d like to get rid of because I have a problem with clutter. Still, it feels as if there is something I’m missing. There’s something that I’m doing wrong.
Sometimes it helps to escape into art making.
The act of writing a poem also provides relief.
Wouldn’t it be be nice to be able to eat a giant chocolate candy bar whenever the craving strikes? I understand people who use food as a drugs. I see why people get high and drunk. We all need to escape the mundane.
This existential anxt is likely a product of seasonal affective disorder. Things should get better when winter comes and days begin to get longer.
For now, I’ll keep looking for messages from birds and making meaning with words.
My father’s funeral was last Saturday, but I don’t feel like writing about it, or him. It’s hard to talk about someone you’ve known your entire life without most of it being about yourself. So I’m not going to write about him tonight.
I need an app that will tell me how much time I waste scrolling through my Twitter feed. My addiction to Twitter must be contributing to the low mood I’ve been in this weekend. I hope to find good news and do. The problem comes when I see something ugly, mean, or scary. I forget all about the good.
The weekend wasn’t so bad though. I finally got around to wrangling my ridiculous bead stash and posting it for sale on eBay. If you’re looking to purchase a bunch of beads on the cheap, check this out.
I hope to develop a jewelry style. Owning hundreds of beads that don’t inspire me has not been helpful.
I ordered some watercolor pencils that were advertised on Instagram. When it comes to art and craft supplies, I might have a problem with control. Will I be selling all of my colored pencils and markers on eBay next year?
A new work week begins tomorrow. Let’s promise to stay positive and resist the forces out there that want us to live in fear. Let us also remember to every day find something to be grateful for.
I recently interviewed for an hourly position with the IT Training and Education group at IU’s UITS. I had to teach about 15 minutes of a training workshop, and I chose one on PowerPoint because I think I’m quite proficient with that program. I spent some time during the days before the interview preparing. The materials for the workshop already existed so I just had to work off of those. Unfortunately, I’ve had a pretty bad cold these last few days, so getting up the energy to prepare for class wasn’t easy. Thus, I was worried I wouldn’t do well.
About half an hour before the interview I stopped by the cafe to get some coffee and a cookie. I ran into a co-worker and asked how she was doing. To my surprise she said that she’ll be having a mastectomy next week. Now I never expected to hear something like that. She told me also that both her sister and mother died of breast cancer.
So I left the cafe thinking that this interview is nothing. This is no big deal. Any problem I currently think I have, I don’t have. I’m fine and I’m thankful.