Through Glass from nancy merrill photography
Through Glass from nancy merrill photography
The prompt from Putting My Feet in the Dirt is coffee curfews.
I confess. I do many of the things sleep experts warn you no against like having screen time right before bed and screen time while in bed. There was a time when I tried to stay off of the computer/phone/tablet after 8 pm. That rule lasted about two weeks.
I sleep with a husband, a small dog, and a large dog. Sadie is the big one. She sleeps on my side of the bed so it’s always a struggle to find leg room. I don’t tell my doctor about my sleep problems because he would tell me not to sleep with dogs. I won’t give up my pooches!
A sleep hygiene guideline I do follow is the one that says not to drink coffee too late in the day. I’m proud to say I adhere to this rule on most days.
The sleep scientists say you should adopt a soothing pre-bedtime ritual. Sometimes I sit down and write in a real non-electronic journal. By sometimes I mean hardly ever. I’ve been known to have an easy yoga or stretch session before bed. These are things I should do more regularly.
I won’t get into a discussion about my problems with pillows. It’s not worth the trouble.
I haven’t had my recurring dream of driving down a road to nowhere in ages. In the dream, I drive until the car disappears. Then I’m on a bike that goes away. After that, I’m on foot. Maybe I’ve been wandering aimlessly through life. I’ve been seeking nothing and finding everything. Everything is too much to handle.
Thinking about what to write overwhelms me. I think I like to give people information. I secretly like to write academic papers. This article about different types of writers might clarify things for me.
Crossroads is the prompt. I didn’t want to actually talk about the prompt but I think I’m about to. It brought to mind the blues song by Robert Johnson, which is purported to be about a guitarist selling his soul to the Devil in exchange for musical prowess. That’s not quite my situation and I don’t believe there’s a dude called the Devil.
If I am at a crossroads in life it’s because I’m getting older and if I don’t focus on something, I may never accomplish great things. Do I need to accomplish great things? Of course not!
What if I just do interesting things like making art, and singing, and dancing? Maybe I’ll just enjoy my life. That might be something to write about.
I’m not sure what expressing yourself really means. Aren’t’ we expressing ourselves just by existing?
I did a simple Google search for the definition of the word express.
The first meaning is this: convey (a thought or feeling) in words or by gestures and conduct.
The second is this: squeeze out (liquid or air).
I get the feeling that the second definition actually came first. I think that when I’m expressing myself, I’m squeezing out my essence. I’m showing you my inner-self, the part of me that’s hidden by skin, bones, and ego.
I like to create, but I’m not sure why. I don’t think I set out to bare my soul to those who are interested. But now that I’m thinking about it, this is exactly what I’m doing.
I don’t think I can ever be successful at expressing myself. Anything I draw, write, paint, sing, or dance is still superficial. Maybe that’s why we keep creating. We hope that someday the world will see us for who and what we really are.
Something to ponder.
The prompt: Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?
It’s difficult to think of myself as having a reputation. I hear the word reputation when people are talking about someone well known for doing something. I don’t think I’m enough of a celebrity to be well known for something. I am not a celebrity at all, in fact.
I know I don’t have a bad reputation. I do my work. I honor my commitments. I’m polite and friendly. I don’t cause trouble. I sound pretty boring don’t I?
If I’m known for anything at work, it’s for my skill at creating training videos and doing voice-overs. That’s a good thing because people keep asking me to make these videos.
Many people know that I’m a dancer. They tend to ask me if I’m still dancing. Do they think I shouldn’t be because I’m too old to dance? Am I reading too much into this question?
One day I would like to have a reputation for being a “thought leader” in some niche field. This should lead to me getting paid to blog. I guess that’s one of reasons why I keep plugging away.
Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.
I had trouble thinking of a personality trait of mine that I don’t like, so I Googled the words “personality traits” and found a list of traits to choose from. The list I found went from adaptability to tolerance; I decided that defensiveness might me by thing. Instead of writing a letter, I decided to write a short play.
Me: Hey defensiveness.
Defensiveness: What do you want? What are you accusing me of this time?
Me: Nothing. I just wanted to have a little talk.
Defensiveness: Okay, but don’t blame me if you’re not satisfied with the conversation.
Me: (Sigh) No pressure. Let’s just talk.
Defensiveness: (shifting uncomfortably in his seat)
Me: Look, I know you’re there to try and protect me from harm and heartbreak, but sometimes you just make me look foolish.
Defensiveness: How am I supposed to know when you look foolish? I’m just a personality trait. I was abused as a child.
Me: You were not abused! I’m not sure you were ever a child. Anyway, I’m just asking you to tone it down a bit. Sometimes when I’m in the wrong, I need to own up to it. I need to be a big girl.
Defensiveness: But you’re never wrong. You’re you. You’re awesome!
Me: Thanks dude, that’s nice of you to say, but I’m human. Besides, learning from our failures makes us better people.
Defensiveness: Ugh, I hate when people say that. It makes my existence seem so meaningless.
Me: No, don’t say that. You are valuable. You are needed.
Defensiveness: (sarcastically) Sure I am.
Me: Seriously, you are! You’re the guy who defends me when I’m in the right. You come up with all the facts that prove my case. You’re like Perry Mason. When you’re arguing my case (and I’m right), someone in the courtroom jumps up and confesses.
Defensiveness: Really? That’s kind of you to say. Maybe I could try harder to not jump to your defense at inappropriate times.
Me: Thank you so much Defensiveness. I’ll be sure to call on you when I need you. Maybe you should take some time off, take a cruise or something.
Defensiveness: I don’t know about a cruise. You know, I always did want to take a trip around the country and visit unusual museums.
Me: Sounds good, bring me back a souvenir would ya?
Defensiveness: Will do boss. Later tater.
I am going to write as if this is a normal post. I will avoid mentioning my avoidance of three letter words. Here I go.
I have written about trying to be seen as an expert on some subject. Since I think Instructional Design is my calling, I thought I would become an expert in that realm. I have joined some LinkedIn groups on the topic. I have been following Instructional Design people on Twitter. I have watched videos, I have read articles. I don’t feel competent to write a blog post on the subject.
Maybe I should just write something, anything. My first step is probably to start another blog. This blog is meant to be my rambling outlet. That sounds like a store doesn’t it? Rambling Outlet
I am currently working on an informational video about PowerPivot, a Microsoft Excel plug-in. I could write about that process. I could also create some kind of personal training project. That is probably a better idea. Perhaps I’ll start that project while eating or showering. Well, I at least moved forward in my thinking on the subject. That counts as success!
This no three-letter word thing is hard. Some words just have to be included, or else I kinda sound goofy. Maybe this activated a different part of my brain.
I thought this would be a good time, alas it was not.